Families are so very very complicated. We all carry, in our DNA, the need to belong, to be loved, and to be part of that very first community--our family. Yet it never seems that simple, and now, as my parents age, and those of most of my friends, and now that we are their care-takers, cracks have begun to appear in the structures of those families. The cracks may have started years ago with a divorce, sibling rivalry, or some kind of bitter separation, but now, as the oldsters fade and need our help managing in a world they can't really deal with, everything shifts. Old wounds re-open, new relationships form, resentments fester. Some children end up being the main caretakers while others have little or nothing to do with their aging parent. One of my friends, lovingly recorded, on facebook the long decline of her mother and father, including curling up in bed with her mother as she lay dying. But that's not the norm. Other friends talk about how angry they are with a certain sibling for the favoritism shown by the parent, even as they lay dying. My own grandmother couldn't remember my mother's name as she declined, but could remember those of her other four children. That had to have been a tough one, although, of course, my mother no longer has a memory of the event.
Yes indeed, I am in that age group, I relate to your observations, Holly.
ReplyDeleteThe cracks could also be seen as roots or even outstretched hands. Your words are very
ReplyDeletetrue. As mom died my brother also died of cancer. Double the grief along with anger and
loss. At the bottom of the cup was understanding as the only sure way thru. Left with the
center of our unhappiness...our father at 90. Good mental and physical boundaries are needed
in all families sooner or later.
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